


I love me

by sansonaxy



Category: GOT7
Genre: Body Image, I love my boy, Kim Yugyeom-centric, Or try to, Self-Esteem Issues, Slight trigger warning, for gross self-hatred, in this house we love ourselves no matter what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansonaxy/pseuds/sansonaxy
Summary: Buying this full body mirror was probably the best and worst thing Yugyeom had ever done.





	I love me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually know anything about lunares or beauty marks or whatever you want to call them, but this is what my mom told me when I was little to make me feel better about my own lunares

"I love you so much!" Yugyeom grins. 

He takes in the long toned legs of the person in question and he beams. His eyes wander to the shoulders, broad and firm, ready take on whatever is needed. No longer are they hunched over, crooked and scared of what should be a worry for another day. Instead they stand proud and upright, displaying a heart full of energy and hope.

"You're so cute!" Yugyeom squeals, cupping the cheeks now. What people never tell you about baby fat is that sometimes it doesn't fully go away no matter what you do. What they also don't tell you is that it's not anything to be ashamed of. The tiny, plump cheeks in question feel soft against his hands and he smiles even more at the way his eyes smile too because dammit it's so freaking cute.

"Never let anyone tell you you're not beautiful, not even yourself!" Yugyeom declares, scowling but he can't hold it. He bursts into giggles because honestly he's so adorable.

"I love you," he says again, staring into his own gentle brown eyes. They glow with the unmistakable hint of humor and he finds himself falling in love with their richness all over again.

Buying this full body mirror was probably the best and worst thing Yugyeom had ever done. Right now he was okay because it was a good day but a bad day would come soon enough. 

The bad days were the worst. Those days were the ones when he wasn't sure if he wanted to destroy the mirror first or himself. Those days were the ones when he couldn't bare to look in the mirror, even pass by it, without feeling like the most wretched creature on earth.

He didn't understand it or how it happened, but it did. On bad days, his body felt like a monstrosity. His legs were unreasonably long and skinny, weak like twigs. His shoulders were too wide for his worthless frame, wasted on garbage like him. And his face, god his face was just so ugly. 

Ugly. Hideous. Disgusting. Horrid. _Embarrassing._

He had to resist the urge to claw at himself and apologize to everyone around him for looking like this. He had to fight against the persistent ache in his chest that told him they were looking. 

They're looking at you, it says. They're staring at you because they can't believe you had the audacity to leave the house looking like that. Just look at you, it spats. Your face is so swollen and fat it's a wonder anyone still keeps you around. This is why no one will ever love you, why you always look for someone even uglier than you, but guess what? It's you. You're the most disgusting, foulest person on this planet Yugyeom. 

It's hard being a singer, a performer, an idol. It's hard being under a public eye that scrutinizes every inch of his skin without thinking of his heart.

He cries a lot during those days. Spends hours in bed, quietly sobbing to himself even if he can't afford it. It's days like this that make him wonder if he should just throw away the mirror and himself along with it.

"You deserve good things," he mumbles to himself. He gazes at his own face, taking in the tiny brown moles on his face. 

To most people, they're known as 'beauty marks' and Yugyeom likes this name because they are beautiful, on him and on everyone. In Spanish though, they're known as _lunares_ and Yugyeom thinks that's even more beautiful. 

The way one of the fans explained it, they're called _lunares_ because they resemble the spots and dips on the moon. They claim each one represents a kiss from the heavens that manifests as a beauty mark at birth. Only those who've been blessed by the moonlight are graced with the good fortune of the cosmos.

He's sure the fans know him and the other members do read comments about them online, Yugyeom especially. It's both good and bad for him. When he feels down, he can't help but to encounter all the nasty comments about his face, his body, his personality. He spirals deeper and deeper into the sea of negativity until BamBam or one of his hyungs comes to pull him from it and takes his phone. 

But when he feels bright, when he's having a really good day, he showers himself with the comments he sees. People actually think he's cute, that he's talented and hardworking, they think he's the most handsome person they've ever seen. Those comments are the ones he loves, the paragraph long ones about his moles and how they make him look like a 'moon child'. It's cheesy and he knows it, but it helps him see. 

People like them, comments like those that make him fall in love with himself every time. It's what inspires him to take millions of selfies at all angles and love each one, what makes him take risks in what he wears, and eat what he wants.

The good days are the ones he loves, the ones he strives to have every day. They're the best days because he can look in the mirror and appreciate what sees.

He can cup his cheeks and adore the way they squish and fluff. He can admire the way his eyes twinkle with joy and the way his _lunares_ pepper his face like stars. It's probably easy for others to think they're cute or pretty, but it's not always the case for him.

It is getting better though. He has more good days than bad ones and he's grateful. Grateful to be alive. To be him.

"I love you," he says softly, smiling at the way his nose scrunches.

"I love me."


End file.
